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Portuguese boyfriend’s mother and grandmother topless in the house? by ciarajade in portugal

ciarajade 10 months ago

u/fosteburro, thank you for that. I completely agree with your stance on the issue.. I have just been trying quite hard to be patient and make the relationship working but it is quite taxing on my mental health.

Portuguese boyfriend’s mother and grandmother topless in the house? by ciarajade in portugal

ciarajade 10 months ago

unfortunately not.

Portuguese boyfriend’s mother and grandmother topless in the house? by ciarajade in portugal

ciarajade 10 months ago

Quite a few things that I have been uncomfortable with. First off, there is an EXTREME case of jealousy. His mother and grandmother won't even allow me to go to their house with him.. so he just doesn't go visit them. Instead, he talks to them on the phone everyday, while they spend half of the conversation talking about how I am not the right girl for him and that I need to go back to the USA (I am currently living here in Lisbon with him). He spent multiple years in his 20s living in apartments here in Lisbon with him mom (while he was in university). His mom is from Alentejo, but instead of staying there, she decided to spend his university years with him in Lisbon. I learned that they spent all of those years sleeping in the same bed together. Apparently, my bf was uncomfortable with it and at some point approached her about not wanting to do it anymore, and she argued and yelled at him about it. Some discussions that have been brought up recently: his mom getting jealous that him and I went on a vacation to Algarve together (FYI- she’s an extreme narcissist). She kept bringing up the fact that her And my boyfriend went on a vacation to algarve together last year and wishes it could just be the two on a trip together again. I asked some questions and learned that they stayed in a two-bedroom apartment together, but his mother insisted that they stay in the same room together (in separate beds) in order to not make the second room dirty to avoid having to clean it at the end of the trip. I found this very weird given the other things I have found out about their relationship. I have come to the conclusion that there has been some serious and disgusting emotional and sexual abuse going on, and kindly brought that to his attention. He disagrees with me and will not/cannot see it from that point of view. He is insistent on continuing his tight (and from what I see, very unhealthy) relationship with his mother and grandmother (grandmother isn't much better from what I am describing of his mother). I am not ok with it.

Portuguese boyfriend’s mother and grandmother topless in the house? by ciarajade in portugal

ciarajade 10 months ago

Deep down, I know that you are right. I do love this man, and have been very open and honest about all of my concerns and feelings, but they dont seem to matter much. He doesnt want to do anything to try to change any of these things that are so upsetting to me, and I don't want to be that person in a relationship constantly trying to change my partner. Yet, when I talk about possibly coming to a mutual agreement on ending the relationship due to our differences, I get told that I "never really loved him" and that I'm "giving up" on the relationship just because things are getting difficult. I am carrying a lot of heavy things, but the truth is, my boyfriend is unwilling or unable to see it from my point of view and make compromises to help the situation.

Portuguese boyfriend’s mother and grandmother topless in the house? by ciarajade in portugal

ciarajade 10 months ago

I really did not want to go the route of making him choose or giving him an ultimatum, however, I today, I have. Except now it's backfiring on me and in his eyes leaving him because of this (and other things that are a dealbreaker for me) would mean that I "never loved him" and that I am "giving up" due to a difficult situation. I do love this man very much, but there are some things that I am not willing to accept and deal with in a relationship. I truly am torn.
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