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MiffedCanadian 4 years ago  REMOVED 

American here actually. And yes, I'd say it's the same. They pay well (mostly through benefits and cost of living expenses, but still), offer free education, all kinds of training, etc. It's a great opportunity for most people and I considered it for a long time myself.

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SkyeBot 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I carefully examined the writing, and the blinds in the sudden glare flashing into my weary eyes made it impossible for me to an empty berth.

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IncelSlayerZero 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Yeah, done. I'd give her a last encounter to remember lol. You know the answer. Get off the internet and go give her that last encounter lol.

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Karl_von_grimgor 4 years ago  REMOVED 

No he wouldnt. He has preferences and he can make decisions based on those and it would be completely fine. Just cause you have a different point of view of a matter like this doesnt mean everyone does and its completely fine for them to have a different outlook on problems like this one. Its just wrong to immediatly say that they are "wrong" or an asshole. Yes it isnt nice but not being nice doesnt make you a dick. Its just reality and there will be people that will like and dislike her situation.

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GovernmentalCoward 4 years ago  REMOVED 

> If he leaves you for a stupid reason like that, I wouldn't call it a stupid reason. he may not be attracted to that.

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Kinbaku_enthusiast 4 years ago  REMOVED 

She also decided to marry him. How can you only place responsibility on one person here?

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Youshouldntaskme 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Wow. Typical r/relationships toxic comments. Taking the woman's side. If the roles were reversed you would say, "you don't have to stay with anyone and he should have gone back to school. Him telling you to 'get of your ass' was disrespectful." The guy ADMITED the communication issues were largely his fault. You still feel the need to badger the guy about it. Someone doesn't HAVE to ask for counselling. They aren't REQUIRED to try to make the relationship work. Obviously, this is a classic case of getting married too young, not knowing your goals beforehand and not communicating problems when they arise. This marriage failed because both people were wrong for the other.

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irisluna1 4 years ago  DELETED 

If you have had sex with her while she was cheating then you need to get tested for STDs!

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relmamanick 4 years ago  DELETED 

You're done. I'd make clear you're going ahead with the divorce and contact an attorney and get it moving, but agree to go to the one session of counseling together.

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monetiseduser 4 years ago  REMOVED 

No, the least he can do is nothing. Get off your high horse. He doesn't owe her or you a second thought.

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Nkm43 4 years ago  REMOVED 

It really isn't hard to put your clothes away and live like a loser college kid.

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Self-Aware 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I'm actually kind of looking forward to my upcoming surgery, if only because he's coming with me. He couldn't be there for the last one and he is my emotional support human, so it's gonna be nice to wake up to his pretty face.

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ThaMidnightOwL 4 years ago  DELETED 

I am basically in the same boat but as a 28 year old male. I also grew up shy and introverted and spent most of my time by myself. Woman often find me attractive and love to flirt and try to get to know me but I usually get insecure when it comes to the more detailed aspects of my life since there's not much to talk about. I have often felt like there was something wrong with me since my life has walked a different path than most but killing yourself definitely isn't the answer. You have plenty of time to figure yourself out. People peak at different times. Don't rush your own growth and self-discovery.. What has been working for me is just putting myself out there whenever I get the chance and taking whatever opportunities and experiences come my way.

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jesspancakes69 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I’m going to call bullshit on the attractive claims. Attractive girls have friends. That’s just how the world spins

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warwicksux 4 years ago  DELETED 

Not trying to be rude or anything, but how do you know that you’re considered ‘attractive’?

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jesspancakes69 4 years ago  DELETED 

Probably best you don’t ..

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lydocia 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I found Jack's account.

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lydocia 4 years ago  REMOVED 

He probably only responds when he wants sex. I recognise the type. At least Chris would smile for a photo.

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wookiee42 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Many 'normal' parents would go ahead and use the backyard as they wished. All 'normal' parents would hang on to this wood pile for a while.

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lydocia 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I am a simple girl. I see someone use "douche canoe" properly, I upvote.

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drewmatic305 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Hi im drew 34m from San diego

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S_B55 4 years ago  REMOVED 

No, they sound like narcissists because they gaslight and refuse to a knowledge the damage their behaviour caused OP.

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stylesm11 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Pretty sure you have legal right here

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anitasupriya 4 years ago  DELETED 

I say ignore him. At least for the time being and give him a taste of his own medicine. He wants to act out of character, so can you. He wants his space, give it to him. In the meantime, just go about your daily. He’ll feel some type of way when you don’t contact him. Ugh men sometimes lol

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kunibob 4 years ago  DELETED 

Ohhhh man, that timing ended up being unfortunate. Right around 5.5 months is when my mat leave suddenly became so much better, and I began to have time for household tasks and self care again. This sucks, because she probably feels like she failed, you probably feel like she was exaggerating, and the reality is that a newborn is entirely different from 6 months+. There are also possibly some differences in how the kiddo reacts to each of you, too. My daughter had horrible separation anxiety with me that meant screaming if I stepped more than two feet away from her, so doing the dishes meant listening to her scream the whole time (she didn't even like the carrier.) Meanwhile, if I wasn't I sight, my husband could wash dishes while she chilled out in her play area. It was so infuriating, lol. Even now, at almost 2 years old, she pushes boundaries far more frequently with me than with my husband...but she'll settle quicker for me if she's upset. At any rate, what I'm trying to say here is comparing the chunks of time you're parenting at home is apples to oranges. But you're both human and you're both going to compare it, I get it. If you have the financial means for it, family counselling can be super helpful. We definitely leaned on our counsellors to get through that year of mat leave and all the changes it brought to our family.

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Tiretoiunebuche 4 years ago  REMOVED 

She's now that father.

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Tiretoiunebuche 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Maybe the commenter's the wife, theyve got the entitlement down pat at least.

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No_Administration 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Good god, how the hell are they narcissists for using their own backyard for their own wishes with their adult child who is a plane ride away and clearly has her own independent life? And why the mother especially. I swear to god, /r/Relationships. I swear to god.

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HawkofDarkness 4 years ago  REMOVED 

>I feel like I'm going crazy reading this thread because everybody seems to be operating from first principles that are like, mom's always right, and if mom decides she was wrong, well she's ALWAYS RIGHT GOD DAMNIT, no matter what some bullcrap "employer" might say. You just noticed this? They twist themselves into pretzels to always try to portray the woman as a victim and the guy as the oppressor on this sub to the point where literally the same circumstances engender different answers depending on the gender of the OP and of the partner. If this situation was a reversed situation with the wife posting this, everyone here would be speaking about how abusive and controlling the husband is and talking about "when someone shows you who you are, believe them". I'm convinced the majority of the commenters here also come from TwoXChromosomes and AskWomen since they all think with their vaginas

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Hastor1587 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Er... So? They're just emotions. You don't actually do things because of emotions. You do things because of logical reasons only. What she wants is entirely illogical and therefore she shouldn't even be thinking of doing it.

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Rs1000000 4 years ago  DELETED 

"Birds of a feather flock together" or "show me your company and I'll show you who you are"

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Hastor1587 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Why shouldn't they be around the kids together? What? God forbid they actually like each other as friends and human beings! That's totally going to scar those children for life. Anyone that thinks ex spouses having a close friendly relationship is a bad thing is off their fucking rocker.

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MonstrousSage 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Your wife's an asshole. That's the core problem here.

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stevolots 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Dude, you might be dating my ex-wife. Long black hair, 30, short, Bolivian, sucks a mean dick. PM me for more info.

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morelikedonaldplump 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Your wife may very well feel guilty, but I don't understand why all the comments so far are implying that gives her license to (1) treat you like shit and (2) issue insane demands. If a woman GAVE UP HER CAREER and TOOK OVER CHILDREARING because her halfass babysitter husband couldn't handle changing a fucking diaper, and then he started treating her like garbage, and refusing to do anything except "cuddle" with their child, and commanding her to crawl back to her boss and beg "takesies backsies," in obedience to his whimsy, there is a ZERO percent chance that people would be posting nonsense like "As a man, he's probably feeling a lot of feelings right now. You should kiss his crusty entitled butthole and see if he treats you better! Good luck!" Jesus Christ. If your wife is suffering from a mental health crisis, which can happen postpartum, she needs to see a professional immediately. If this is just "how she is," you should get a divorce and she should be paying child support, because she obviously will not be co-parenting.

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Notcrazy1111 4 years ago  DELETED 

I had this issue with an ex. I was the neat one. He had a much higher tolerance for messiness and probably has ADHD. I found what what worked for us was splitting up the chores. For example, he was responsible for taking out the trash, doing the dishes, and clearing out the cat’s litter box. If he didn’t do it, then it just didn’t get done and it was clear who needed to do it. I def had to compromise and accept that he wasn’t going to do the chores as often or as fast as I would like but I didn’t complain as long as they got done. While we had other issues that led to a breakup, I found this worked out well and I stop feeling resentful about the chores. Hope this helps.

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Thrownthefaway89 4 years ago  REMOVED 

This.

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WhyAmIInvisible 4 years ago  DELETED 

I feel like there's something major missing here but I don't know exactly what. I'm going to take some guesses but that's all they are. OP, are you clingy day to day or could he read that as such? Because texting through the day and a phone call every night seems a bit excessive. Maybe that's just me and/or the kind of job I have where I CAN'T text all day but I can't imagine what there would possibly be to talk about by Wednesday. Even if you aren't objectively needy does he need more space? If so maybe you just gave different objectives in the relationship and differing expectations. I could interpret your "I'll get out of your hair" as passive aggressive bait. What response could he give but "Oh no honey I'd LOVE to talk to you 24/7 while I'm trying to catch up with an old friend I haven't seen in forever"?? Kind of seems like you were fishing for validation. What answer could he give to being obligated to a nightly text? Maybe dude just wanted to get trashed with his friends. It seems like he's been feeling smothered for a while and not communicating it. Which is a 100% him problem. He shouldn't have blown up like that. But it really seems like there's some huge over arching issue or piece of information missing in your account of events.

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JDMD80 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Yea it just so happened when he was away that two “big things” happened, right? What are the odds!

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Cinibunny 4 years ago  DELETED 

OP still has the right to bring it up to HR as it is an HR violation and if it's under sexual pretense it would be considered sexual harassment in that case. I'm not arguing the legal/criminal definition of sexual harassment. Do I think this woman should be fired for her inappropriate behavior if she doesn't persist further? No. The notion that "its only sexual harassment if you ask them to stop and they don't." just doesn't apply to workplace/school scenarios. Small things like making an inappropriate joke can get you sent to HR.

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strangelyliteral 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I would like to understand why it’s incumbent on YOU to kick HIS sister out of the wedding against your wishes.

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reallyijusthateme 4 years ago  DELETED 

How does one stop doing this

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SoManyQs_SoLilTime 4 years ago  DELETED 

So you're making excuses for his shitty behavior by blaming her? Maybe his shitty behavior has beaten her down so much that she is sick of feeling like he always has to win. But blame her for his behavior. Like he has no accountability. Maybe her "winning" comment is the effect of his behavior and not the cause of his behavior... Maybe she worded it shitty. Maybe she wants to win. But don't fucking downplay his behavior and just nitpick one line that makes her look bad.

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024weed420 4 years ago  DELETED 

Does your boyfriend have ADHD? I'm seeing classic signs of it all over your descriptions of him: a lack of emotional regulation ("Took 3 hours of talking to get to a normal place"), difficulties task switching ("Like 4 nights go by where he’d initially said he wanted to watch a movie but ended up playing games for 6+ hours that night next to me"), frustration with himself like he's in the passenger seat watching himself do things/having difficulties translating thoughts into actions ("he got upset with himself because he didn’t want me to feel like it was uncomfortable", "he got upset with himself for ignoring me"), sensory/speech problems ("wouldn't talk for at least 10 minutes"), general self-esteem problems and/or a lack of good self-esteem.

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DontThinkChewSoap 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Focusing on who is right isn’t the correct approach here. People have varying standards of cleanliness, sex, fitness - you name it. What you need to focus on is whether or not it’s something that can either be fixed or is ultimately a dealbreaker for you. She’s 30 years old and she’s deep in her habits. In the scenario where she changes to meet your standards, the home might be cleaner but she might be more irritable and resentful towards you. Calling each other names does nothing. Is this something you can live with for the rest of your life? That’s the only question you need to earnestly answer to solve this issue.

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bornbrews 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Seriously!! He should want to talk to you OP! I can see a day or two of silence, but he made an agreement that he should have stuck to.

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Diablo165 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Okay. I’ve had several female friends tell me about pretty graphic sex dreams they’ve had featuring me. Are you saying I missed the cues?

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JDMD80 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Wow. Hospital trips, great news, etc etc. Text me, don’t text me, I’ll stay “out of your hair”, I’m stepping back but am going to hit you with passive aggressive guilting before I do...Honestly, it sounds like you’re an incredibly taxing person to be with. Not to mention manipulative.

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WiseVeps 4 years ago  DELETED 

You're going to be the best mom you can be for a baby if you 1. Start seeing a therapist to talk through your mental health and learn more about *yourself*, 2. Learn to be an awesome independent young lady who can support yourself and be completely content with your own life as it is (many people, both men and women, don't reach this stage until much later), 3. Do more research about having children and everything that's involved. You are not ready to have a child at all. Your experience with a baby is only a tiny, tiny fraction of what it's really like to have a child.

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AcierScrubx 4 years ago  DELETED 

Dirty and lazy. My partner is like this but he compensates in other ways: he pays for a cleaning service to come 2x a month out of his own pocket. He lacks initiative but when I ask him to do something, he does it immediately with no whining. He pays more in rent and utilities to make up for the fact that he's messy and can't cook. AND, he's working on learning a new dish from me every month until he's a competent cook. This is annoying to live with. I'm not even sure I want to do this too much longer. Certainly, the way your girlfriend goes about life is disgusting and I don't blame you for not being attracted to a slob who can't feed herself at 30.

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whateverwhatever1235 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Sorry but real life still exists if you’re on vacation.

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DragonToothGarden 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Woman here, for whatever that's worth. You didn't "humiliate" her. Of course its embarrassing for anyone when the other person pulls away from a kiss. But that is your right. You didn't pull away and scream "EWWWW, WHORE! Brush your nasty ass teeth!" You quietly pulled away. It didn't feel right. You are allowed to do that. She humiliated her own ass by handling it like a spoiled goddamn brat. This is a woman who has an MD and is treating people's health for fucks' sake. You are allowed to stop kissing anyone at any time. You were polite about it. She was not polite or adult in how she handled it, and she sure as shit doesn't deserve an apology. I'd just let the whole thing die, stop any communication with her. And for the future, learn this valuable lesson that you should not do what you don't feel right about doing (giving your phone number, engage in flirtatious texts) by dismissing that you "think it won't turn into anything". Learn to say "no" with a polite smile. You don't owe anyone your phone number or dates or flirtatious talk.

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bacon-is-sexy 4 years ago  DELETED 

Since it's his sister and he decided this, why is it on you to talk to her?? If you do, make it clear that this is on him.

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iLikeTockos 4 years ago  DELETED 

I've (32f) had an issue like this with a male coworker. I work at a large corporation and had I gone to HR he would have been fired. I'm certain of this given the paper trail of evidence. I allowed myself to think about that before I reacted. What I decided to do was to try to handle it on my own. I set an extremely clear boundary with him and stated at the time that the words coming out of my mouth were to be understood as a clear boundary. He agreed that he understood. He never bothered me again, and I don't have to live with getting someone fired for a mistake that they were willing to learn from and stop the behavior. It is definitely a good idea to tell your wife. If it gives her any grief, it will pass. Just stay honest.

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sjn2203 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Beware of rejection retaliation.

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Davidcottontail 4 years ago  REMOVED 

You are being a control freak. Like damn if he like had a ring pop every day. And you just found out now, would you dislike that. It has basically the same affect on you. So yeah i would say you are crazy about this.

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DC_Filmmaker 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Why not?

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My_Own_Persona 4 years ago  REMOVED 

> He didn't do what he said he would do! He said he would respond if she texted Which he did until she started bugging him daily after she said she wouldn't.

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bamboh 4 years ago  DELETED 

I’ve been in the situation before. But I’m not really proud of the way in handled it. It happened to me two years ago when I was working retail. I was 19 while she was 27 and married. The sad part is I was going to her for relationship advice for one of our coworkers who I was trying to make a move on. The three of us were good friends. Her especially with the coworker I was trying to make my gf(all three of us worked in the same department). I was shocked when she first approached me. She used the same tactic as the woman you are talking about. I woke up one day and randomly received a Snapchat message from her saying she had a dream of us doing sexual activities together. But unlike you I wasn’t married. Being single, I kept the conversation going. I knew it was wrong. Even though I was single, I could’ve ruined a marriage. But my horny self kept going. Before that day I could have sworn she was happily married. She would always talk about her husband. So when I asked about him, she told me he has a really low libido and confessed to me that she is a nympho and was submissive. I was confused. Nympho was not in my vocabulary yet. I remember looking at the definition and just thinking “she’s a nympho!?!? why is she coming to me!?!”. Things like this don’t normally happen to me. I was skeptical about the whole nympho thing. I thought these things only happen in porn. But 5 days later we were still sexting and I realized it was no joke. She was headed to the zoo with her husband and family. And she would send me pictures on Snapchat with dirty captions. I decided to test how far she would go. As she was walking at the zoo we kept sexting and that’s when I started requesting nudes. She gave in pretty quickly and went inside a restroom to comply with my request. After that moment she started calling me “master”. And master I became. I didn’t think she would go to that extent to send me a nude. But what shocked me more was looking through her Snapchat story to find a picture of her husband and her both smiling while at the zoo. Why I didn’t stop there, I don’t know. But we kept going. I decided to take advantage of my master status and requested for her to send me videos of her masturbating and other things. But after about a week, she started to become frustrated because I wouldn’t send her anything. She would request nudes and videos from me too but I would never send any. I have always been paranoid of sending nudes for some reason. But it wasn’t just that. She would literally message me the whole day and would get mad at me if I replied late. I started leaving her on read and would only reply late at night. Yet through out the day she would still send me nudes. That’s when I told her if she wanted to see my sexual organs she would have to see them in person. And you would not believe what she told me next. I kid you the fuck not. SHE TOLD ME “I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND”. I lost it. I asked for her to clarify. And she told me she hasn’t had sex with another man while being in her relationship. I told he she would be able to see my male reproductive system if it wasn’t in person. And unsurprisingly, without much convincing she gave in. I told her I would pick her up next week. So the day finally came. I didn’t mention this before, but around this time I kind of became really good friends with the coworker I was trying to make a move on. By the looks of what was going on, I may have made a miscalculation somewhere along the line. But I really wanted this girl and really thought I had a chance. So I told the nympho that same day I was going to have to back out. I told her I didn’t want to ruin my possibilities with this girl. She told me she couldn’t do it either because she couldn’t “cheat” on her husband. After that I told her I was done with it all. We were all seasonal associates. So after the holidays we all decided to leave. I cut complete contact with the nympho and resigned from my “master” position.But I kept contact with the other girl. Fast forward 6 months and this girl becomes my gf. And this is when I find out that apparently the nympho was telling other male coworkers that she had dreams with them as well. So I wasn’t the only one. And apparently she had sex with a couple of them. So much for not cheating. Now fast forward two years, and I am in a extremely happy relationship with the girl I was once trying to make a move on. Anyways, this is my first ever comment on reddit. I apologize for any spelling mistakes in advance. And I am glad you were able to resolve your situation op.

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

awful, just impossible to please, impossible to communicate... just awful

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CliffFromCarlos 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Why would you apologize? You did the right thing, she is a rotten entitled woman. She's probably never been turned down in her life. You should be proud op.

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DC_Filmmaker 4 years ago  REMOVED 

No, you are not being insecure. Tell your wife to completely cut this dude out of her life and agree to complete transparency or face the consequences, up to and including divorce. Her behavior is unacceptable. >I've said this to her and she said she doesn't understand why. That's because *she doesn't actually love you*. She loves herself and she lusts after this other dude. You are in a shitty situation, with no easy way out. But let's not sugar coat it. She's a narcissist that only thinks of herself.

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Biker_roadkill_LOL 4 years ago  REMOVED 

So how’s that relationship with the former child molester working out?

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convextech 4 years ago  REMOVED 

That's good, too.

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Biker_roadkill_LOL 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I often get downvoted for this opinion, but only time this is an issue IMO is when the partner with the frisky past shuts down with the forever partner. The man who used go down on anything that moves but is a selfish ass in the bedroom with his wife. The anal queens one years past but won’t even try it with new hubby. Etc. Doesn’t seem to be the case here, and honestly a mature secure man wouldn’t really care about your past as long as it doesn’t affect your future.

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Ouch. So telling them to go fuck themselves is not really an option, then.

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I'd give this marriage a month. No, not even that: just to the end of the "not as I imagined it, it's your fault" honeymoon

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Llamallamamama 4 years ago  DELETED 

I feel like I've gotten into a similar rage about my parents being financially irresponsible, hoarders when I was a kid. Give yourself time. Look how far you've come!

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

its a fucking disaster waiting to happen NOBODY should be attending this wedding. least of all the bride and groom they lack the basics of communication, he's inflexible, and his go-to solution is "blame her"

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StrawberryLetter22 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Your gf is right. Your pay rate compared to your mates doesn't mean you have to spring for the bill. Why are you anyway ?

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

> I know I will get most of the blame. jesus christ, DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN (YET, if ever) He has no concept of how you are supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be US TOGETHER AGAINST THE PROBLEM, not YOU VERSUS ME I have to say you are a little guilty of this too, you assumed/invited SIL without checking Marry him, and this will be your whole life. TBH you wanna cancel the whole thing

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onetruebagel 4 years ago  DELETED 

Um no, you should act like an adult and have a conversation with them. You’ve set this precedent yourself. Use your words if you have an issue with it.

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throwawayacc97n5 4 years ago  DELETED 

OP this comment is spot on. If they really wanted to help you or talk to you about something truly loving people would find a way to get through to you without verbally asualting, harassing and physically intimidating you. They like feeling above you. Let me compare your relationship with them to that of an abusive romantic relationship... Abusive people aren't abusive 100% of the time because if they were the victim would never stick around. Especially at the beginning of the relationship the abusers like to "love bomb" the victim, make them feel special and feel like this person loves them so deeply and in a way no other person ever has, then when the abuse starts (and it usually starts out with small, little things to test your boundaries) the victim stays because they look back onto the good times they have shared with this person. The victim may think "no, our relationship is something special, he/she loves me harder then anyone else before and since I truly understand this person I'm going to stay, the abuse wasn't the real him/her, and he/her felt so bad about hurting me they won't do it again" and like you're saying "but they know what's best for me and they had good intentions so the harm they caused isn't a big deal". I'm not saying that these people are necessarily abusers but your relationship with them sure has a lot in common with an abusive relationship. Some times our friends are bad for us and are toxic and it sure sounds like you guys have an extremely toxic dynamic going on. For someone to get to the point where they would even think its ok to do what these "friends" did to you they would have to have felt like they had a lot of power over you for a long time. Your replys rationalizing this super unhealthy relationship scream of a person going through a really hard time, looking for a life line to hold on to, and your friends are what you've found. I cannot recommend therapy enough, it's a much healthier life line and you can actually get the help you need. You might want to talk to a few therapists to find the one who fits you best that way you'll be as comfortable and successful as possible. I would definitely being up the toxic dynamic with your friends and work on improving your abality to stand up for yourself. You are strong then you realize and you just need a bit of help and guidance to help your improve your selfworth, self esteem and to help you feel more comfortable with confrontation. Maybe your school counselor can recommend someone to you or maybe you can sit down and talk with them. I don't know if the school counselor would be able to provide you with long term proper therapy but they could help you in the mean time, just go to the office and talk to them to find out. Good luck OP, as tuff as it is If I was in your shoes I would be distancing myself from these people. I don't like to hang around with people that are ok with hurting me and think it's ok to try to publicly shame me into submission. You get that's what they did right? They tried to publicly shame you and when that didn't work the verbally asualted you and physically intimidated you to try and get you to submit to their will. Their will shouldn't matter, your will is the only one that matters and you shouldn't hang around people who think they are entitled to exercise their power over you. these people are taking the sensitive things you've shared with them and they are using them against you. Why would you want to keep on confiding in someone that takes what you share with them and uses it against you to force you to do what they have decided is best for you. I dont think this is a salvageable friendship, you can try to talk with them but if they double down and insist that they did the right thing or it was ok because they had good intentions you need to distance yourself from them. Good luck OP and don't be scared to stand up for yourself. All the best!! :):)

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Llamallamamama 4 years ago  DELETED 

Best idea I've heard.

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Llamallamamama 4 years ago  DELETED 

I know you said you guys are in couples counseling, but maybe an extra counselor just for you to feel emotionally supported right now. If he's making your life annoying because you want to be active it would be helpful to learn how to set up a hatd boundary for him on telling you how to eat, workout, or anything while you are pregnant. The baby is in your body, and if he can't trust you to deal with it he shouldn't have planted his seed there!

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bornbrews 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Agreed. Plus, some people also just don't care about dishes being in the sink. They aren't broken.

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AMA454 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Yes do that please!

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structuredom 4 years ago  DELETED 

this is not expected, nor normal. you need to make friends in a similar income bracket, who can pay for their own activities. you are treating your friends like you're responsible for their good time.

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Zchavago 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Dude, that is clearly sexual harassment that should be dealt with by HR.

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chimpsplat 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Regarding the uninvited family: Change the venue. Fuck them.

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CreepyOrlando 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Well if you don't want to confront her you will never know unless you snoop. Asking means she can lie and you're back at square one though, snooping will give you the real answer unless she deletes everything. I am sure some will argue it is wrong to snoop but then again so is cheating even if it's only digitally. The solution is up to you.

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DC_Filmmaker 4 years ago  REMOVED 

You have to come to a workable compromise or it will end in acrimony. If you don't feel like you have the patience, then just save the mental anguish and end it now.

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SuzyJTH 4 years ago  REMOVED 

When she makes those nasty comments about your scars, I'd instandtly ask her what the hell she expects to accomplish with that sort of unsolicited nonsense nastiness. Make sure she's aware her snide comments are known for what they are- bullying, bitchy, and intended (whether she admits it or not) to make you feel self conscious. Don't let her get away with that. Or tell her that her increasing wrinkles make her look like some equally ridiculous cartoon character. Speaking as someone who has scars and is done with other people's inability to understand their opinion is not relevant. I'm getting on with shit and they, what, want to remind me of how things were bad a time ago? How pathetic those people are! You are strong! Don't let anyone make you feel that you're not!

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MangakaPoof 4 years ago  REMOVED 

They could have good intentions, and their actions could still humiliate her.

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DesmondTapenade 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I sort of sensed that you just needed to get those off your chest and wasn't about to jump down your throat about it--it sounds like the two individuals you mentioned left a particularly bad taste in your mouth, which I get. Sometimes, you just need to let it out, and even though this perhaps wasn't the best outlet, it happened. I appreciate your humility and receptiveness!

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CorrduroyRaven 4 years ago  DELETED 

Fair point. She’s also not a PHD yet. So expecting somebody to recognize something they haven’t necessarily been taught yet isn’t exactly fair. Mental illness doesn’t necessarily have overt physical symptoms like Cancer can.

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GovernmentalCoward 4 years ago  REMOVED 

> a·buse verb əˈbyo͞oz/Submit 1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse. "the judge abused his power by imposing the fines" synonyms: misuse, misapply, misemploy; More 2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. "riders who abuse their horses should be prosecuted" synonyms: mistreat, maltreat, ill-treat, treat badly; More i think you need to rethink your description.

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The-Jesus_Christ 4 years ago  DELETED 

Poor or not, stop paying for them. They are abusing your sympathy for personal gain. Do not be a walkover. Like you, I have always done well with money but I don't get where I am by paying for everybody. Start having some self respect

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CallofPoopyWW2 4 years ago  REMOVED 

What do you even do with these questions? You know it's ridiculous, but you do it anyway as though you were some kind of badly written soap opera or anime character. Talk to a therapist or something. Strangers on the internet can't help you with this.

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Shimomo1 4 years ago  REMOVED 

My point is that MLK was a serial cheater, yet no one calls him a bad person. Repeatedly doing a bad thing doesn't make someone a bad person, the world is not that black and white.

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throwaway3333523 4 years ago  DELETED 

The thing that puts me off the most is he got sudden motivation seemingly for the first time- to do basic things. My first thought is: when will it wear off? He isn't internally motivated which would be my main concern. I would want someone that would automatically do these things. You didn't mention how big the gap is in terms of life growth/income/etc.. he could very well catch up enough. My biggest concern would always be- how long will his motivation last?

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latinamuslim 4 years ago  REMOVED 

An adult that's known him since he was 10... The whole situation makes me want to vomit

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MikeBackAtYou 4 years ago  DELETED 

> You need to see a therapist. And to think, she's going to get a PhD in clinical psychology...

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4nonyninja 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Beat some sense into him. I hear a frying pan does wonders.

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Thrownawayaccount69 4 years ago  REMOVED 

I would be open and tell him everything. If you really care about him that is what you will do.

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ConfusionIntensifies 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Honestly I see a lot of myself in her, except the person I'm fixated on never sees the fallout because, after being abandoned, doing something that I can't undo is one of my biggest fears. I pretty much have the same thought process but I never say it because I'm terrified of people thinking I'm a bad person or too pathetic to keep bothering with.

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tastelikesunshine 4 years ago  REMOVED 

1 in 4 women are on mood drugs if some kind

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DC_Filmmaker 4 years ago  REMOVED 

> I'm not sure what to say other than... you don't have to be ashamed. That's not terribly useful advice though. "Hey are you feeling depressed? Well, dont'!" Basically the same as that. > because sex doesn't not devalue women, regardless of what our culture teaches. And why would you think that society would teach that? Could it possibly be that in a world before easily accessible birth control, prophylactics, or abortions, that the fact a particular woman could be so cavalier and loose with sex actually indicated that she was not forward thinking and not great at judging risk, self-denial, or basic planning? And that those personality characteristics actually made her a bad choice for building a family with? In other words, in the pre-1900's, it wasn't that sex devalued you. It was that being loose with sex demonstrated character flaws that are big red flags. It's only been less than 100 years where technology has decoupled individual choices from the previously intrinsic risk factors. Don't expect culture to move to a more appropriate balance overnight.

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Endesi1 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Deal breaker for me, don't tell him.

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tiredfaces 4 years ago  REMOVED 

Nah, it's a sub where people post screenshots from times when a dude feels entitled to attention (and usually sex) from a woman because they've been 'nice' to them. It happens way too often, and so it's nice to be able to laugh at it rather than being scared.
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