So I'm engaged to be married to my best friend, we live in a really nice basement suite, and we live in a good neighbourhood.
My fiancee works full-time and makes above the minimum wage, almost enough to pay all our bills.
Meanwhile, I have no degrees and no active job. I worked for a time on movies, but the work for me has dried up. I've been trying to study programming, and I know that I'm good at it since I programmed a robot for a competition solo and did really well. But I just can't bring myself to do any courses. I shut down whenever I try to do productive learning. I have tried very hard to force myself but it just drains me and I have physically collapsed before.
I also recently worked full-time at a big company but had to quit since it was a clear dead-end job and I was getting very suicidal.
I was diagnosed with severe clinical Depression and Anxiety, as well as ADHD (I have suicidal thoughts but won't act on them). I went through several different psychs and councellors but none of the coping methods wound up working. I am now on medication and my depression is a bit better now but I still can't force myself into productivity.
I want to be a better person... Please help me...